Comparisons to the road I never took.
Eleven years ago I made a decision that radically altered my life. Even now, so many years later I still can’t tell you if it was the right decision. There were things that were very bad about the outcome, and there were some things that were good, and some things still in process.
In the early years following that decision, when I was deep in the middle of the pain and difficulty that I was unaware would follow, I would constantly beat myself up about the choice that I made, and in effect was continuing to make.
I was convinced that there were far better choices to have made, different avenues that I could have followed that would have undoubtedly brought me a greater outcome, without all the negative experiences that were so excruciating to go through.
But truthfully – what did I know?
I think we all have a tendency to analyze our choices and compare them to all the wonderful things we think could have happened had we chosen a different road.
If for some reason we are suffering negative consequences, we seem to want to imagine that there was something better out there, a perfect pathway leading to peace and happiness instead of the one we find ourselves on now.
And we eliminate all the potential negative possibilities in our imagining.
What if you had chosen the other person who asked you to marry them? Would it have turned out better, or could it have turned out worse? You’ll never know, but you’ll still wonder.
What if I had purchased a different car, and found myself in the midst of nowhere after a catastrophic failure that could have placed myself and my family in danger? What if I had literally taken a different road 31 years ago – could the accident that created my scar have killed me instead?
What if I had made a different choice 11 years ago – right before the economic catastrophe that could have left me bankrupt? Would I them have berated myself for not taking the choice that I made, unaware of all that would follow in its wake?
You can drive yourself crazy living in the land of what if, or what could have been. The truth is that we have to live with our choices, and that can be hard, and painful, but it’s the only choice we really have.
In the words of my mentor, “sometimes all you have is bad choices, but you still have to choose”.
Today, I beg you to stop comparing your choices to the road you didn’t take, and instead turn your attention to choices that are in your future.
That is where your power lies.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings