The one person you keep mistreating.
You know, that one person who you just can’t help but give less than everyone else. That one person who has to make do with whatever time you have left, whose happiness gets sacrificed time after time, and who is ignored when crying out for help.
Yeah, I’m talking to you.
About you.
It’s seems to be hallmark of people who actually care about the opinions and happiness of others that we have a really hard time looking after ourselves. We are the ones who go without sleep to service the needs of another.
We are the ones who give our time, love and attention to those who often seem to need, but rarely seem to give back at the level that we give.
I see this a lot when helping people who have grown up in dysfunctional childhoods, but it might surprise you what my definition of a dysfunctional childhood is.
I think one of the worst wounds a child can sustain to their soul during the growing process is to be taught that they are less important; that the needs or expectations of another, or a group, or whomever, are more important than their own. That their life is not completely their own.
Please hear me clearly, because people often misunderstand what I am about to say.
It is not wrong to give your time to others, it is not wrong to care about others, and it is not wrong to want to help others. All of these are honorable, good and wonderful, if they are done out of an honest desire, and a balanced perspective.
But too many times I see people who just can’t stop; out of fear, out of a misplaced sense of duty, or out of a completely unbalanced perspective of what they owe to themselves.
So here is your permission slip, if you need one. You MUST look after yourself first, so you have my permission to say no. You must make sure that you are supported, so you have my permission to cancel. You must look after your emotional self, so you have my permission to withdraw your caring from those who do not have a right to expect it.
You cannot save the world, your friends, your family, unless you are looking after yourself.
Please take care of yourself.
I care about your happiness, and I want you to find the balance that will bring you peace.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings