Living in now.
Sitting at my desk, writing this, I have everything I need.
I have my laptop, which enables me to write, edit, print and publish. I have the internet, which allows me to draw from and share with the world.
I have clothes to wear, a roof over my head and food to eat. My wife and children are nearby, and are well. There are no immediate threats to my safety.
And yet I feel… Uneasy.
But when I try to define my unease, I am lost in a sea of all possible futures. Alone, adrift, bereft, forlorn. As waves of emotion cascade over me I am baptized unto the fear of the unknowable; lost in oceans of imperceptible tomorrows, because I have forsaken my focus on the now, in the pursuit of that which can never be found.
A certain tomorrow eludes me, as it does all mankind.
Yet in my desire to find certainty, my most painful need, I lose all sense of significance of myself in the now. I attempt to see the universe at its next turning, and lose any appreciation that I could feel for that which currently is.
How many days of peace have I sacrificed to my fear of what comes next, and how long will I continue to allow the shadow inside to drive me away from now, and fear what may never come?
It’s true that there are imperfections in the now, but there is much more that is right than there is that is wrong, if only I can change my focus, quiet my fears, and become present in the now that is eternally new forever, and yet always within my reach.
After 47 revolutions around this star, on this planet we call our home, I have yet to learn one of the greatest and simplest truths. That the only time that really matters is now. Only now can I act, only now can I perceive, only now can I feel.
In the now I can reminisce, and glean wisdom from the past. Only now can I plan, and sow the seeds of a gentler now in the ever changing tomorrow. It is only the now which my soul experiences, stretched out into the canvas of my days, and the eternity of my life.
When I give up my sense of now, I lose my joy and wonder in the eternal experience which I am creating, and give myself over to the fears which will never bring me peace.
Today, this moment I know three things.
I am.
I am here.
It is now
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings