Owning yourself is the greatest freedom.
Over and over I ask people this question, and they seem shocked when they realize they can’t clearly express their reply…
When did you give up ownership of your opinion of yourself?
I think many of us live this way, and some are aware and struggle to overcome it, and a few succeed. From birth, we are surrounded by the opinions of others. As we grow, the opinions of those closest to us are of paramount important as we form our self identity, our opinion of ourselves.
As we move through the teenage years, there should be a transition to a ‘self-identity’ based on our own understanding of ourselves, our own judgment.
Not that we necessarily know all that there is to know about who we are, but as we grow through those formative years, there should come a point when we are secure in the knowledge and judgment of ourselves so that the opinions of others become less relevant.
But often, far too often, this doesn’t happen. Especially those who grow up in a childhood of expectations where their ‘value’ as a person is directly tied to the ‘social status’ of a parent who needs their child to ‘be’ something, in order to gain a sense of accomplishment or value from the actions of their children.
The unfortunate people who grow up in these situations endeavour to find their own sense of self, and will often carry deep identity wounds.
They will struggle later in life to break free of the programming that was unconsciously wired into them by a well meaning but unaware parent, who just did not understand what their expectations were doing to their children.
Do you find yourself at the mercy of the opinions of others? Are you confident in your own value, so that you can withstand the judgment of those who would attempt to tell you who you are?
If you find that other people can make you feel badly about yourself, then you have, at some time, given over ownership of your identity to others, and are probably suffering at the lack of your own strong self opinion.
If this is you, I invite you to meditate today on the events in the past where the forceful opinions or actions of someone in your life created in you an uncertainty as to your own worth. Then, try to understand why that person may have acted that way.
As you become more aware of the influences on your own opinion, you can begin to give a different meaning to the past, and find your way into a more kind, gentle and self-affirming future.
Taking back your worth, through a more certain opinion of who you are, is a wonderful step on the pathway to peace.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings