You are the only person that matters.
One of the hardest truths I ever had to learn was that whatever I wanted, it was all on me. I struggled against that, even rebelled against that for a while, because it didn’t fit with the narrative for my life that I was invested in.
Because of the circumstances of my childhood, I grew up with the hope that someone, somewhere would come along who would ‘fix me’, and in some aspects, I felt that the universe owed me that much. Entitlement, it turns out, is not just a problem for those who grow up privileged.
Over the years, I feel like I have progressed beyond some of my childhood patterns, and I have learned to forgive myself for the ways in which I believed and behaved in the past.
I have truly come to understand that I am ‘the only person that matters’. It’s not that other people aren’t important, far from it; but when it comes to my personal development, my own personal journey towards a higher existence, I am the only person who can do that work.
The toil of enlarging my soul is not something that I can hire out to others. It’s all on me.
I also realized that I was going to have to change my relationship with pain. Not necessarily physical pain, but with the emotional pain of loneliness, fear, anxiety and sadness.
The true test of a person’s resolve isn’t how much pain they can take when they don’t have a choice. It’s how much pain and discomfort they are willing to accept when they have a choice, but choose to embark on their own enlightenment journey anyway.
Growth is often painful because we have to get outside of our comfort zone, and push ourselves into new and difficult territory. We risk failure (a potential loss of significance), loneliness (a potential loss of connection) and the unknown (a potential loss of certainty).
The ability of someone to push through these negative emotions has a direct correlation to how fast they will progress on their journey.
Too many times have I seen people who refuse to accept their ‘self’ responsibility to improve, and who instead retrench into bitterness, negativity, sarcasm and snark.
Pity the souls who live with such emotions, for they are those who live without self respect, and without self love.
In the end, the only person who can do the work is ourselves.
Yes, life will provide plenty of ‘learning experiences’ along the way, but it is our own choice, our own determination and our own willingness to suffer that will grant us enlightenment.
The Buddha taught that ‘enlightenment’ was simply ‘not suffering’.
May your journey lead you there, and may you bring others with you.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings