The Humility Jump
(#5 of either 7 or 9, still working that out)
It’s probably not what you think. It rarely is. Of all the truths that I discuss with people, this is the most misunderstood, most abused and most painful one. Yet once you make this jump, it can change everything.
It simply comes down to how you understand that one word, and how it frees you from so much self inflicted trauma.
Because humility is not to think less OF yourself, it’s to think less ABOUT yourself.
I know that’s kind of a nuanced concept, so let me try to go deeper on it. I can look at myself and admit that I have some strengths, and some weaknesses. I’m fairly smart, and I have a higher than average emotional intelligence, along with significantly higher than average communication skills. This is not pride if I don’t concern myself with it.
I can also tell you that I am color blind, so I am terrible at doing puzzles. I have much lower than average spatial skills, so I can literally get lost in the mall. I can be selfish, and foolish. I can be incredibly fearful, and struggle to face challenges that you would find easy, although I have skydived and I can speak in public. Yet in these statements I am not being humble, because I am still focusing on myself.
Humility is when I am so focused on you that I don’t bring my needs, wants or self opinion into our interaction. In that state, I can serve you to my highest potential, because the outcome is not about me, it’s focused on your needs and your desires.
This can be one of the hardest practices in coaching, and it’s one that I try to make a part of my work. I’m not saying I’m good at it, just that I’m trying.
If you’ve ever been served like this, you’ll have felt the difference. You may not have been aware of it, but you probably noticed that there was something extraordinary, something that stood out. Something that made you feel special in a way that was unusual and remarkable.
So why is this a jump for you?
I said earlier that humility is often abused, because I have met with so many people who continually put themselves down, and fail to recognize all of their gifts and abilities, out of a subconscious fear that they are not being humble.
From my view, this holds people back from being who they really are, and from recognizing all that they have to give in this world.
It also keeps people focused on themselves, so they never find the true joy or serving without selfishness, and so they serve less than they would if they were able to serve without respect to themselves.
So the jump is to stop putting yourself down, and at the same time, stop putting yourself first. It’s a difficult balance to master, because it requires us to subdue our ego and yet accept our gifts and capabilities.
But once you can make this jump, you’ll see a different you showing up to serve others.
And you will be amazing.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings