The shield that becomes a shroud.
Many years ago, I discovered a very powerful weapon. It could protect me from so many threats, so many hurtful and painful things. I stumbled across it quite accidentally at a very young age, but once I used it for the first time, it became a part of me.
It was mighty, and it was swift to the fight, and easy to handle. Since that time I have carried it with me forever, and it has sheltered me from so many things that were hard to bear.
Like self awareness, self honesty, and growth.
It also shielded me from change, and from admitting I was wrong, and making amends. All those tiresome and troublesome activities that never seemed to be what I wanted to do, even when I knew it was what I should do.
This weapon, this shield, was my ultimate escape, my refuge from reality and my hideaway from honesty.
A shield made of self pity is the most devastating weapon I have ever carried, for it has hurt me like no other.
Let’s face it, self pity feels good. There’s nothing like feeling sorry for yourself to give you a sense of significance.
If the world, or all its people, or God or the universe or whomever, whatever, whenever and wherever are all being unkind to you, well then you, my friend, must be someone important, someone who matters, someone special. Not only that, but you are a victim, who has been treated badly and who is due some recompense by everyone and everything.
That’s what makes self pity so addictive, and like most addictive things, it will kill you if you let it.
I wasted years of my life feeling sorry for myself. Yes things were hard, but others had come through harder. Yes it could be viewed as unfair, if I scrunched my eyes up so much that all I could see was my own sad little life.
Yes, there were people in my life who were not treating me as well as they could have done, but none of that matters one bit.
Because the universe doesn’t care. It doesn’t give out handouts or freebies or do-overs. Life is here, now. Brutal, beautiful, fierce, funny, hellish, honorable, terrifying, timeless.
And life is what you are wasting when you hoist a shield of self pity.
I’ll take one thing back. The universe does give you one thing. It’s called today, this life, this moment.
Unfortunately, that opportunity also looks a lot like hard work, with a chance to fail on the side.
But since that looks a lot like something hard and difficult, we just raise that shield one more time, and block out the chances to feel better, to live longer, to find joy in our journey and to give to those around us.
The real danger of this shield is that eventually, if you keep using it every day, it will become the shroud that they bury you in.
Because a shield of self pity cannot protect you from death, it can only protect you from life.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings