The invisible wound.
What don’t you remember? The question is paradoxical, but it’s perfect for what I want to share with you today.
Because a truth that I see realized over and over again is that we often forget the events that shaped our lives, because they were the absence of something we needed, rather than the presence of something we didn’t.
Silence or absence can be as destructive as presence, especially since we don’t see the missing piece because we didn’t know it belonged there in the first place.
There are so many examples of this that I despair at the work in front of us; at the healing that has to take place in the hearts of those who endure in silence, unable to explain what is wrong, unaware that something fundamental was missing.
So they suffer and struggle, not understanding why.
I see this most abundantly in the child who for some reason did not form a close attachment to a parent, or parents.
They persist in life, following what they see as the rules, trying to find a way to lessen the aching discomfort that plagues them in their quiet hours. Despite whatever happiness they are able to scrape together, there is the overwhelming whisper of the soul that will not be silenced or satiated.
The longing for a connection, an acceptance, a wholeness, for peace.
A good friend of mine is experiencing a very hard time right now. Lost in a hell not of their making, they are aware that something is wrong, that at their very core a fundamental shift needs to occur. But they are frightened by the painful scars that cover the wounds they do not even understand are there.
A pain that has been with them so long they do not recognize it as anything other than who they are.
Because they are wounds of absence and silence. The absence of closeness, of friendship, of vulnerable sharing, of someone who has seen to the heart of them, and still accepts them anyway.
The absence is caused not by the outside world, but by the inner world of a heart, mind and soul that cannot open to others because of a fear of vulnerability, of showing weakness, of not being enough.
So my friend will not reach out yet, and I have to respect that, even though I wish it were not so.
Today, I invite you to try to see the things you might not remember. Start by examining the way you feel, and find within your soul the difficult and painful areas that you want to avoid.
There you will find the pathway that leads to a wound that must be cleansed, even if you don’t know how or when it began.
You just need to begin your journey toward peace.
And I will walk with you.
—Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings